A Life of Service

Mother's Apron
Author Unknown 

Mother wore an ample apron
to cover her clean dress.
She'd tell you that's what it was for
if you asked her, I would guess.

But that apron had more uses
than I could even count.
It brought in eggs and vegetables
and could hold a large amount.

I've seen her use that apron
to wipe her dripping brow
as she labored over the big range
that's just an antique now

Her apron could bring giggles
in a game of peek-a-boo
with her newest, sweet grandbaby
as she hid her face from view.

When we kids were hurt or crying
we'd run to find her lap.
She'd wipe the falling tears away
with a bit of apron flap.

That apron dusted tables
and shooed away the flies.
It did just fine as oven mitts
to take out bubbling pies.

But the greatest of treasures
that old apron could hold,
was the endless love from Mother
abiding in each fold

As read in the poem above, one single apron can be used to accomplish many different tasks. When we put an apron on it’s because we need it to serve a purpose, and I can’t think of word that better describes the life of a mother than the word service. It’s a highly sacrificial role many of us play in life. 

As women, and as mothers, we can relate with the poor old apron. I have never in my life cooked up a big dinner and thanked my apron when I was done. I’ve never sat back and just stared in admiration at the role my apron plays in my life. In life (whether you are a mother or not) it’s probably a rare occasion that you receive recognition or thanks for your service to others—your husband, children, extended family, friends, co-workers, etc. I’m not talking about major feats and accomplishments. I’m talking about the daily, unseen and seemingly small tasks that you do to serve the people in your life. For me that means diaper changes, doing the dishes for the umpteenth time, keeping the dirty laundry pile from outweighing the clean laundry pile, managing temper tantrums, organizing trips out of the house, planning and cooking meals, and the list can go on. For you it may look different, but the concept and feeling remains the same. At times we can feel overlooked, underappreciated, and misunderstood. 

I have often been surprised by how much food residue is on my apron once I've finished cooking a meal. I always try to be careful to avoid spills because I don't want to add to my laundry pile! Just like an apron that has been worn while cooking up a delicious meal, we too can bear the markings of service--overwhelmed, exhausted (physically and emotionally), frustrated, anxious, and even depressed at times. Service is a beautiful and godly thing, but sometimes the effects of service can be damaging if we don’t keep our minds and hearts in alignment with Christ and His Word.

In Matthew 20:25-28, Jesus teaches us about serving others. 

But Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Jesus blesses people who serve others. He calls each of us to a humble life of self-sacrifice. Why? Because in those moments when we are serving others is when we look the most like Jesus Christ himself. The entire purpose of our lives is to point other people to the creator of life. When we love other people by serving them we are displaying the very nature of God. What better thing could your life be remembered for?

If you’re anything like me you may be thinking, "That’s great! I do want to reflect Christ, but I’d still like a little recognition and atta girl every once in a while. I’d like to know that what I’m doing won’t be forgotten or dismissed." 

Psalm 139:1-18 

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 

You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. 

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. 

You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! 

I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! 

If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I go down to the grave, you are there. 

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, 

even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. 

I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. 

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it. 

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! 

I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! 

Here’s the take away: God sees you. He sees every little thing you do. He hasn’t forgotten you and He never will. In those moments of weakness when you begin to feel the emotions that come as a result of your service to others and you begin to believe the lie that you are unseen and nobody cares about your sacrifice—remember that God knows everything about your life and He will never forget.

As a woman who has struggled with accepting the reality of the demands that motherhood brings, it is my greatest desire to come to place where I serve the people in my life out of a place of joy, knowing that God has allowed me the privilege to love others the way He has loved me. 

Happy Mother's Day! 

 

Living Water

I don't know about you, but I often day dream about vacation. Not just a two day getaway, but an actual VACATION. Ya know, the kind where you plan in advance to go somewhere you can relax and rest--not rushing around, but slowing down and just finding some kind of inner peace. The type of vacation that hits your reset button and prepares you to go back into the daily grind of life. For me, that place is somewhere near water. I prefer the ocean, but I also love rivers and lakes.

A couple of years ago Nathan and I made a last minute decision to go to Florida. That was back before we had Hannah, when we could just randomly decide to do things like take a 10 hour drive somewhere! This was the first time in about 5 years I had seen the ocean or a beach. We checked into our hotel and when we got up to our room I had this moment of pure peace. Our view was incredible!! I had just finished my first year of teaching and I remember plopping down in a chair on our deck overlooking the ocean and feeling like I could finally breathe. I felt free!

A couple of weeks ago I attended a ladies retreat with the women of my church, and we stayed in a lake house. I had a similar "patio chair experience" the second evening we were there. The back yard of this house overlooked the entire lake. I sat in a chair and just stared at the water. It was beautiful, peaceful. It made me forget the worries of life for a fleeting moment and rest. I recently began to wonder what my obsession with water is all about. Why is water the only thing that triggers this response from me? The more I thought about it, the more I was/am convinced that it is a very spiritually rooted response.

If you really think about it, the things Christ offers us are the very things I seem to find when I am near the water. Peace, joy, a refreshed spirit and mind. There is a well known passage in Scripture that tells the story of a woman who goes to a well to draw water. There are many take aways from this story, but I'm only going to focus on what Jesus tells the woman toward the end of the story. Jesus essentially tells her that she can draw as much water from the well as she wants, but she will always have to return because she will eventually thirst again. He went on to explain that He could offer her living water--which would satisfy her soul and quench her eternal thirst.

Jesus Christ is the Living Water.
1. Water cleanses us. Sounds pretty cheesy and cliche, right? Without water we would be pretty dirty people! The same is true with Jesus. He is the only thing that truly cleanses our hearts. You know that feeling when you get out of the shower and you're CLEAN and you just feel so much better? It's the same way on the inside when we are made clean in Christ. It's a burden lifted. 

2. Water hydrates us. I'm the worst at staying hydrated. I like Coke and coffee--not the combination for having a rested and well body! We have to drink water consistently throughout our day to be sure our bodies work properly. If we don't, there can be deadly consequences! The same is true in our walk with Christ. If we only take a sip here and there while we chug coke and coffee (our busy schedules, demands, and sin) then we aren't going to be rested on the inside. We feel drained emotionally and physically--it causes us to become weak minded and believe untrue things about ourselves and our lives. 

3. Water eases pain. At the end of a long day, our feet hurt. Our backs ache. We have tension in our necks and shoulders. Slipping into a warm bath and soaking in the tub will literally take pressure off of all those aches and pains! I remember going to a hotel when I was very pregnant just so I could soak in a large tub to ease my back pain. It was heavenly! Christ offers us healing and comfort when we hurt. When we become still in his presence and soak in his Word, there is an easing of pain found there. 

4. Water brings joy! Some of my favorite childhood memories involve swimming in the pool with my dad. Being outside and playing in the water is so fun! When I was in high school I worked at a water park during the summer months. The joy that you see on a child's face when they enter a water park is priceless! Much like that, the life that Jesus offers us brings joy. No, it's not always fun. No, it's not easy--but joy is a much deeper emotion than happiness. It's intricately woven together with peace. It's knowing that you can rejoice even in the difficult times because your eternity is spoken for, and this is all temporary. 

John 4:13-14

Jesus replied, "Anyone who drinks this water will become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life." 

Psalm 87:7
The people will play flutes and sing, "The source of my life springs from Jerusalem." 

 "All My Fountains" by Chris Tomlin (Click on the link to hear this awesome song!)

An Open Letter to Satan

I've got to hand it to you, Satan. You are great at what you do. After all, God warned me about you.

Your Mission:
"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy."-John 10:10. You're killing it Satan. You are stealing joy and peace from SO MANY! You're killing the hopes and dreams of SO MANY! You're destroying families, marriages, and the lives of SO MANY.

I hate you. I hate everything you stand for. I hate that you have robbed the very people God created of the truth that can set them free. You jump at every chance you get to convince us that your lies are truth. You enjoy sapping us of every ounce of energy we have left until we trade in the hope of Christ for defeat, depression, and anger. You use that trusty old comparison game to speak doubt into our hearts and plant bitterness where there was none. We should be doing more, having more, being more. You feed off of our weaknesses and hunt us like prey. Your greatest tactic in my own life--convincing me that I am alone. I'm the only one suffering. You use something God intended for good and turn it into burdensome work. You blur my vision of positivity with clouds of darkness. You stir up feelings of pride, arrogance, and entitlement.

I am done.

You are not welcomed here. GET OUT.

GET OUT of my thoughts and my mind. GET OUT of my marriage. GET OUT of my church. GET OUT of my home. GET OUT. You have nothing to offer me. I REFUSE to let you win. Your lies will never negate the truth of God that I am promised. You have no power. I am sick of you. I'm sick of your antics and tricks. I'm sick of seeing people buy into your crap. You think you're so smart, don't you? Beating people down to the point of throwing their lives away--driving them into sin so deep they see no way out. You're disgusting.

Let me remind you who you are. You are the father of lies. You still answer to God. You will never be equal with Him, and you will never be like Him. You are nothing but a sad counterfeit of God, attempting to appear as good and truth.

I'm not naive enough to think that you won't try meddling in my life anymore. After all, I am merely human and prone to sin. I'm not just a human, though. I was created by God and His Spirit lives inside of me, and you are no match for Him. He wins every time, even when my flesh fails. You are the author of confusion, and I'm tired of being confused. I'm tired of being bullied by you. I'm tired of seeing my friends, family, and strangers submit to you.

You may be good at what you do, but my God is way better at what He does.

His mission:
"My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."-John 10:10 God has and still is giving peace and joy to SO MANY. He has given dreams and hope to SO MANY. He has restored marriages, families, and the lives of SO MANY.

"For He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave ours sins." -Colossians 1:13

GAME OVER, Satan. We won't tell you again--GET OUT.

Fix Your Thoughts

Negativity.

Have you ever been in a phase of life where you struggle with seeing what's positive and good? We're all on this roller coaster ride called life, and I'm sure you can pinpoint some of the ups and downs you've experienced this far. Sometimes when we get into one of those down places we end up staying there much longer than we were ever intended to. When hard times hit it becomes so easy to focus on what's going wrong and losing sight of anything that is right. If you're anything like me, you let the frustration and negativity spill over into every other area of your life until one day you wonder why you are feeling so completely miserable! I want to encourage you with a couple of verses and give you some practical ways to combat negativity. 

Philippians 4:8
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Philippians 2:14

"Do all things without complaining or arguing." 

Here are some practical tips to help you fix your thoughts on the things that are true and right in your life. 

1. Less TV and Social Media

I am a Facebook junkie, and I usually have the TV on as background noise. The amount of time I spend on FB and watching TV isn't truthfully that bad--what's bad about it is all of the NEGATIVITY that enters my heart because of it. There's nothing wrong with watching TV, but do I really need to catch the same news stories multiple times a day? Facebook is such an awesome way to connect with friends, but do I really need to spend time looking through someone else's photos and being jealous over the life it seems they live? 

2. Open the blinds or windows. 

I always feel a million times better when I let a little sunlight into our house. Being a SAHM, I stare at the same 4 walls ALLLL day long. There have been days where I'm crawling into bed and realize that I did not even see the outside world. There's nothing wrong with being at home, but if you realize you've not really seen sunshine in a few days--you need to open the windows. 

3. Go outside

It's HOT. Summer in Texas can be brutal, but spending even 5 or 10 minutes outside--breathing in the outside air and listening to the birds chirp or even the sound of traffic can remind you that there is a great big world out there, and the problems you face are only temporary. 

4. Spend time with other people. 

The only adult interaction I really have during the week is the time I spend at church. That's about 2 hours a week. Last week we were able to spend time with some friends in Granbury, and it was SO NICE! We didn't do anything fancy. We ate dinner at their house and talked for about 2 hours while our kids played. I left feeling so refreshed. Not only did I get to spend time with friends, but I also got to enjoy the scenery of a new place. Sharing your life with others is a biblical principle that can get lost in the hustle and bustle of life if we let it. We were made to have relationships!

5. Turn on some music.

Every morning when Hannah wakes up, I walk into her room and sing "This is Day the Lord Has Made" to her. I mainly sing this as a reminder to myself. This day is new. God made it. I'm choosing to rejoice and be glad in it (even when things go sideways). Listen to some praise music on your drive to work, your lunch break, and your way home. Listening to positive and life giving words will encourage you to keep on moving even when it's tough. 

These are obviously not new ideas, but they are often overlooked because they are so simple. I am not an expert by any means, and I struggle with this daily. If you are in this boat--this constant inability to enjoy anything in life--know you are not alone. We all face it at one point or another and for different reasons. 

Three things to never forget in this season: God is good. God is big. God loves you. 

Build Your House

Have you ever been working on something when someone or something continuously keeps interrupting or stunting your progress? As a mom, this happens to me daily, sometimes hourly. This morning I took the clothes out of the dryer, placed them in a laundry basket, and carried them into the living room to fold while Hannah was playing. I sat in the floor with the basket, surrounded by toys and baby clothes and began to fold. I started placing the clothes in the basket as I folded them, only to turn around and realize Hannah was pulling them all out! What a little booger! All those toys to play with, yet every time I tried folding something she would just pull it right out of the basket. It's frustrating when you are trying to accomplish something, but something inevitably happens that works against you. 

We can all tell stories about when someone else has interfered with our success, but I would venture to guess that there have been times when you have sabotaged your own success, too. I can say that confidently because it's true for me! An embarrassing example is a time I tried making brownies from a box mix. It was late at night, and I had a chocolate craving. I remembered we had brownie mix, so I grabbed it out of the pantry and dumped it into a bowl. Now, I've been known to not read instructions carefully enough. I'm also known for rushing through things and taking short cuts. I briefly looked at the back of the box for the ingredients to add to the mix and threw everything in the bowl and started mixing. For a moment I thought "maybe I should double check the box and reread the instructions". I had a feeling that I misread the amount of oil or number of eggs, but I ignored the thought, mixed everything up, and threw it in the oven. They were the worst brownies I've ever made because I put twice the amount of oil that I was supposed to. Ugh! How frustrating. If I had just listened to my own self that wouldn't have happened.

Isn't that so true in life? We cut corners, refuse to listen to sound advice, choose instant gratification over long term goals. The diet we started fails because we start cheating. We lose friendships because we refuse to forgive. It looks different in everyone's life. What does it look like in yours? 

Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands." 

None of us want to sabotage our own happiness and joy, but it DOES happen. I'll be honest with you. I struggle with this every day. I choose a poor attitude, frustration, jealousy, and much more over peace, joy, and patience. Being a stay at home mom is really hard. I often times get so envious that Nathan has so much time to himself. I know he's working, but he is still ALONE. There's not a tiny human whining at him all day. He can go to the bathroom without someone watching. He can take a shower whenever he wants. By choosing to be angry, bitter, jealous....it tears down my own home. It causes distance and hardship in our relationship. It makes it difficult to find joy in every day tasks. It's not productive. This is my public apology, Nathan. I am so sorry that I choose to tear our own home down so often because of my own selfish desires and feelings. You work hard to provide for our family, and you love Hannah and I every day through your words and actions. 

What ways do you tear your own home down? Don't let this be a condemning truth. Wise women can have foolish moments. A wise woman is not someone who never makes mistakes. A wise woman is someone who recognizes mistakes and chooses to remedy them. 

Don't be tricked! You CAN build your home. God gives us the freedom to choose to build or tear down. Let's BUILD! 

Hannah's Birth Story

Hannah is nearly 10 months old! How in the heck did that even happen?! 

I haven't shared her birth story yet, and I figured I had better do it now before I forget the details!

Throughout the last half of my pregnancy I craved grilled shrimp like crazy. Not any grilled shrimp--Saltgrass grilled shrimp. Hannah has expensive taste. ;-) It was a Friday night and Nathan agreed to take me to Saltgrass AGAIN so I could satisfy this craving. I was feeling absolutely miserable. The last month of my pregnancy was so HARD. Walking felt like running a marathon. I specifically

remember trying to grate cheese for dinner one night and I had to stop and go sit down because I couldn't breathe between standing for 5 minutes and pushing down to grate it. 

We got to Saltgrass, sat down, and ordered our usual. I was truly in a terrible mood because I was so uncomfortable. The waiter took our order and brought us our drinks. While we were sitting there talking I started feeling what I thought were contractions (they were!). They didn't hurt, but they were uncomfortable--a feeling of pressure. They were coming quite frequently and they made me lose my appetite. Our food came out and we "ate". I had a few bites, but was a bit anxious about what was about to come. 

We got in the car to go home, and I was so nervous. We lived nearly an hour away from the hospital, and I had no clue when we should leave. We took classes at the hospital just a few weeks prior, and I remembered the instructor telling us that we needed to head to the hospital when contractions were about 5 minutes apart since we lived so far away. In the short amount of time between sitting down to eat and getting in the car to head home, my contractions were starting to hurt. I told Nathan that I wanted to go to the hospital just to be on the safe side. The worst that could happen was they send us home. We started driving toward Bedford and I was pretty confident that we made the right decision. I knew I was having contractions and they were getting more intense. We got about 20 minutes down the road and they just STOPPED. After about 15 minutes of not feeling anything we turned around to go home. 

We got about halfway back home and they came back with a vengence!! We actually had to pull over and I had to get out and lean against the car. OH MY GOSH. Why did we pick a hospital so far away? I was seriously so frustrated because I did not know what to do. I had read online at one point that taking a warm shower could help you relax when your contractions started, so that was my goal. We got about 5 minutes from our house and I changed my mind again (poor, Nathan!). We turned BACK around and drove all the way to the hospital. L&D checked me and monitored my contractions for about an hour and sent us home. I tried begging to stay because I was terrified of driving back, but they wouldn't let us. We decided to stay in a hotel just across from the hospital for the night. 

I think Nathan actually got less sleep than I did that night, and I didn't get much! He was tracking my contractions on his phone, and I know he was nervous and concerned about me. We left the hotel around 5:45 am to go back to the hospital. My contractions were pretty consistent, and only a few minutes apart. I could barely get to the car because I was in so much pain. 

I'm sure the nurses were so happy to see me again...Side Note: I've been hospitalized many times and made several ER visits over the past 7 years of my life. I can be quite a bear when I'm in pain. Thankfully, we had a new nurse and I LOVED HER. I can't remember her name, but she was so sweet. I had dilated to a 1 or 2. I truthfully can't remember. They admitted me (thank you, Jesus!) and Nathan brought in our bags. The nurse checked me every hour for progress, and finally gave me the option of an epidural. 

Epidurals freak me out. I wanted one because I was in pain, but I also had read horrifying stories about epidurals gone wrong while I was pregnant. I knew a lot of women personally who had epidurals and adored them, which made me a little bit more comfortable. With Nathan's support, I decided to go ahead and have one. The anesthesiologist was AMAZING. His name was Dr. Nguyen. He came in with his tray and the nurse had me scoot to the edge of the bed and bend over just a bit. I was crying. I told the nurse how afraid I was and she said, "Women have babies every day. You're going to be just fine." I seriously love that lady. Dr. Nguyen began the epidural and all I could feel was pressure. It didn't hurt at all. Shortly after, my legs were heavy and numb and I was in a happy place! No pain, woo-hoo! 

The rest of the afternoon and evening was pretty uneventful. My nurse clocked off at 6PM, 12 hours after we checked in. Unfortunately my new nurse was the nurse I had the night before, and I was not a fan. She was so unsympathetic and just truly acted like she didn't want to help me. Before my day nurse clocked out, she checked me one last time and told me I was about 8 cm dilated. It was almost baby time! So, I was banking on having a baby within the next 2 hours or so. I was so wrong. My epidural started wearing off and I could feel everything in my left leg. Dr. Nguyen had to come in and administer more medicine not once, but twice! In the mean time I had started having terrible chills. The nurse said it was normal, but I was physically shaking and was so cold! I had blankets galore, but could not relax the muscles in my back. I started having severe back pain on my left side. It hurt SO SO SO bad. The nurse kept making me roll on my side and put a birthing ball between my legs. She told me the baby was trying to move down, but I know it was because I pulled a muscle from all the shaking. 

The nurses finally broke my water because I was not making any progress at all. I was stuck. In fact, when the nurse checked me she said I was only at a 6! I was furious. The previous nurse told me I was at an 8 when she left. How could I possibly be at a 6 a few hours later?! The head nurse came in to check me and agreed that I was at a 6. I was so miserable. After not progressing, and still being in immense pain, an hour later they called in the doctor. There was an explanation for why I was back tracking. My cervix had begun to swell. The doctor said that I was going to need a c-section. 

Honestly, I was relieved. And I felt really guilty about that for a long time. I knew that I needed some help, and I was so exhausted. The only problem at this point was my epidural was still wearing off. If you've ever had a c-section, you know that you have to have an epidural for obvious reasons. They gave me more medicine and poked my leg with a small needle to see if it had taken effect. It didn't, and the doctor told me I would need to be put under. Talk about freaking out. I remember looking at Nathan and telling him that it was okay if he got remarried if I didn't come out of it. I was so delirious at that point! Thankfully Dr. Nguyen worked some magic, and by the grace of God, I could feel nothing. My back pain even went away! I wanted to kiss that man. 

Nathan got suited up and ready to come in with me. They wheeled me into the OR and I remember laying on the table looking at the light and thinking "I am 100% naked. These poor people." They brought Nathan in and he sat right next to me. I love him so much. He was everything I needed in that moment and in all of the ones leading up to it. I don't remember too much about the OR. Between my exhaustion and the medicine, I was really out of it. I do remember asking Dr. Nguyen if it was okay for me to fall asleep while they were doing the operation. 

I didn't fall asleep, but it was a short time before I heard Hannah cry. I'm not sure what I was expecting to feel, but I did start crying. Some of it was due to relief that she and I were both okay, but I was also very aware at that moment that I had a baby daughter. They cleaned her up and invited Nathan over to take pictures and look at her. The nurses were guessing she weighed close to 10 pounds, but she weighed in at 8.12. They brought her to me and laid her on my chest as best they could. I really didn't know what to do. It was so surreal. I kissed her and just looked at her. After a few minutes they placed her in the rolling cart and she and Nathan went to the recovery room to wait for me. 

I was in recovery for about 2 hours. I had no issues or complications. The funniest thing to me now is that I was expecting to sleep when I went to recovery. I completely forgot the part where I have to take care of a baby now! Sleep was very limited over the next few days. We did send Hannah to the nursery during the night for a couple of hours so we could sleep, even if it was interrupted by nurses coming in to take my vitals and check on me. 

I realize that everyone has different beliefs and understandings of what is best practice for labor and delivery. To me, the most important thing is that mom and baby are safe and healthy. I am so thankful to God that Hannah and I had that kind of labor and delivery.

 She has changed us for the better, and she is teaching us more about God and ourselves than we could have imagined. 

Self Soothing

Self soothing. It's been a hot topic at in my house lately. Hannah is nearing 9 weeks old and she refuses to sleep for longer periods of time unless she is being held. Not that I don't love holding my precious little girl, but it does get exhausting having her attached to me for what feels like 24/7. It also makes it extremely difficult to accomplish anything during the day. And, if you know me, I go absolutely batty if I have to stare at a sink full of dishes or a rug with crumbies!!

I am not to the point where I feel comfortable letting Hannah "cry it out". Had you asked me when I was pregnant, I would have told you that my child WILL sleep on her own because I am the parent and she will do what I tell her to the very second I tell her. I was obviously very informed on how parenthood works.

All this self-soothing talk got me to thinking. Why on Earth does Hannah not want to self soothe? Whenever I am upset or struggling I often want to just BE BY MYSELF. Leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Just let me be mad and have my cry baby fit. (I only had one of these moments today. Where is my award?!)

Hannah is on to something here. When she starts crying I know she is either hungry, sleepy, needs her diaper changed, needs to be comforted, or she in pain. I pick her up and immediately try to figure out which one it is and do whatever I need to do to meet that need. It doesn't take long for her to stop crying and be relieved of whatever her struggle was in that moment.

As adults, we are the polar opposite. We face problems every day. Big ones and small ones: late for work, paying bills, past pain, death of a loved one, relationship struggles, lonliness, bitterness, the list goes on and on. Our gut reaction when a problem arises is to self-soothe. We become the world's best problem solvers--we go in to "fix it" mode. What can I do to make this better? Who has connections that can make this go away? And we self-soothe for a good long while. Eventually, we get frustrated and weary because (shockingly) we can't fix it on our own.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Ah, rest. Something that I don't get much of these days. Fortunately, Jesus provides us spiritual rest even when physical rest is out of our reach. You see, Jesus knows when we struggle and are facing problems. Unlike the way I do with my Hannah, Jesus does not just swoop in and fix our mess. He waits for us to come to him. Why? Romans 5:3-4 says, "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.." He is refining our faith--strengthening us. What would we ever learn about Christ if we never had to trust in his timing? Our faith would be weak, and we would never have the privilege of experiencing the faithfulness of God to its fullest extent.

So, while Hannah is learning to self-soothe, I pray that when I face struggle my immediate response is not to fix it on my own, but rather come to Jesus and experience the comfort only He can give.